Today I am outting myself

I had a mini breakdown over the weekend. Something to do with gorgeous kitchens and spit up stained clothing. My mental gears are in overdrive.
As you may well know, I have a crazy split personality disorder. Not clinically, don't worry, but philosophically. One side wants organic farming, the other wants downtown loft space. One side wants Birkenstocks, the other wants Mark Jacobs. One side wants vermicompost, the other wants a garburator. You get the picture.
Want want want. That's all I seem to do. Now I know I have a tremendous amount to be thankful for, and trust me, after two glasses of wine all I can do is whimper about how lucky I am. I do, however, suffer from a severe case of Envy. That's right. Envy with a Capital 'E'. I'm not a jealous person, I'm not a vain person (ok, that's a lie) and I'm not a greedy person, but I am an envious person. First step is recognition, right? Ok, good.

I'm envious, so what?
So I'm ashamed of the fact that I am Envy incarnate, and I want to change. I officially declare the second half of 2008 Envy-Free.
To 'out' myself a bit more... here's a list of things I envy:

Design*Sponge (why do I even bother blogging.... she's got all the goods in one page!)
MAC users
People who can pull off the high-waisted trouser jeans.
Subaru Drivers
Bleached Teeth
People who's thighs don't touch. If they even exist (the people- not the thighs).
People who can afford cleaning ladies.
People who send their laundry out.
Cleaning ladies (at least their houses are cleaner than mine)
Environmentalists (those who do rather than those who talk)
DINKS (only sometimes)
F*****g Martha
Bruno, for his lack of Envy

So there. Now you know.


ABraveTonedTimidGirl said...

I'm entirely with you on the envy thing. I have a case of it bad. I'm not sure if the comment box would fit my list. Top of my list is
People who get to live near the people they love (yup I wanna come home - I miss you Em)
People who already know all the technical stuff I'm attempting to learn.
People with their own apartments or more than one room
Good indoor heating and low heating costs
People with loads of bravery to stand up for themselves
Time and Money

ABraveTonedTimidGirl said...

I have two more, the ones that nag me the most, but I'm usually reluctant to say them outloud:

People with babies (shhhh don't tell my boyfriend, though I think he knows already)
People with cars (I'm not supposed to want a car being all environmental, maybe if I wanted a Prius that would be alright, but in all honesty, I just want a car and I have since I can remember)

Jess said...

In the spirit of venting i submit the following tales of envy:

-people who can wear contact lenses without getting red eyes
-people who dont need to wear contact lenses because they have perfect vision (at -7 i think i have a right to be envious)
-girls who cannot count four separate rollover lines on their tummy (yes i have four, i dont care what anyone says)
-people with good posture
-morning people
-people who are fully and happily functional at 5 hours of sleep
-people without dark circles under their eyes
-people without wrinkles and pimples at the same time
-girls who don't have bikini lines
-people who can sit still
-people who can sit still with a still mind
-people who are able to build their own homes exactly the way they dream them
-people who live in loft spaces with nature at their backdoor
-people who look good smiling in pictures (i.e. no crooked smiles)
-people with white teeth (i second em's vent)
-people who speak multiple languages effortlessly (when swedish came in french when out, and then when i lost swedish french never really reappeared to claim the empty space)
and the MOST important for last:
-people who have each and every one of their best friends living within a one km distance and go out together with sex and the city type of regularity
-people who can do the splits