Sweet January

Does anyone else feel like 2010 has a whole lot of surprises in store? Some good, some horrible but all necessary. Seems like I haven't had good news in a long time. It actually seems like all we've been getting is news that's super tragic and difficult to make sense of.

I'm in the middle of what feels like a tornado. After 18 months of slaving away at this business plan, things seem to be so close. And I haven't been able to sit back and be proud of all the work that we've done. Not once. Maybe it's because all the steps have been so incredibly difficult? So complicated and annoying? I don't know, maybe it's because going into this kind of project without any money puts you in a situation where you have very little power? Kind of like at I'm at the mercy of the bureaucrats that constantly need more and more from you. With every bank statement I send, or every call I take from my realtor, I want to retreat into my carapace. Yet I think about the finished product and I all I want us to be there. To fast forward.

So today, like many others, was suppose to be a day when I could move forward and cross something major off the eternal list of things to do. As per usual, it got delayed and didn't happen. So now schedules need to be reshuffled, kids relocated, ultrasounds canceled. Questions answered and "WTFs??" adressed.
I guess I'm just so tired of being so close and have it delayed, pushed back, questioned.
Boo. Pity party much? Yes indeed. I just can't find the right balance between feeling on top of the world and feeling weighed down by it all.

And it doesn't help that I'm backed by the most loyal, dedicated man I have ever met? Who almost always finds a way to make me feel better about what I'm doing? And the boys, that despite their distaste for most natural foods and luca's relunctance to fall asleep and STAY asleep, are always ready to make me laugh and try to enjoy the moment?

So yeah, poor me. Boo hoo. But still, why does it always have to be so darned hard?
Stop. Breathe. Enjoy?
Easier said than done!
Maybe I need to go watch It's Complicated- again.
Thanks to Jenna that inspired me to come back here...


Aimée said...

Welcome back. Sounds like quite the roller coaster ride, but I bet when it's all over, you'll look back and say it was worth it.

My little project launches in 3 weeks. I'm nervous as hell.

Rebecca M. said...

I'm so sorry it was delayed! Boo urns and I think it's completely reasonable to complain your heart out about it. I'm so excited about what you're doing and rooting for you 100% :)